Jack Daniels Burger, no onions, add avacado -or- The Things I Think about When I am Thinking

I am one of the most misunderstood people that I know.

Let me explain:
It is widely known that I love food. This is true. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I love to talk about food. I love to think about what food I might make or eat. I like having enough time in HEB to get a little wacky and start buying things and scheming meals. The masses can keep laughing at my irrational and focused love for food, I don't care.

But let me let you in on a little secret about all of this... I may actually love food for a different reason as well.

I love food because I love people. This sounds outrageous and a bit Dalmerish, but stick with me.

A Jack Daniels Burger (medium, no onions, add avacado) is not satisfying without a good friend and good conversation across the table from you. If there is no one there to watch the sauce drip from your lips and into your facial hair with disgust (but continue to faithfully eat with you), then the Jack Daniels Burger is just another short stop on the way to high cholesterol. And where's the fun in asking for a huge wetnap when you're by yourself, with no one to appreciate your knowledge of quality wetnap availability at your dining center of choice?

I like going to all-you-can-eat Sirloin with a bunch a bunch of my boys, only to have to stop and take a community relief effort at a local, sanitary book seller.

I like sitting around an overcrowded table with family and friends, or friends that might as well be family and family that might as well be friends. I like it when there is a bowl for people who like it spicey, and a bowl for those of weaker bowels. I like it when something runs out, or someone spills something because that means that someone will apologize and we'll all get to reassure them and tell them, "it's not a big deal!" I like it when everyone has eaten their fill and we're all just a slow song away from a nap.

I like becoming a culinary mastermind in the kitchen with a good friend. I like getting in each others way and having to help each other and everything coming out perfect at just the right time. I like that I had no idea some people put oranges in guacamole, or that you can make a gourmet meal for two out of crap in your freezer, or that you can totally rip off Jason's Deli's Tomato Basil Soup if you know the right people and access to an HEB. I like it that when you make a meal with someone you both create something together and then have to clean up after your creation together.

I like Chinese Buffets in other parts of the country that are deceptive, but good. (C.O.D. fish is not "cod fish" but "catch of the day.") I like that a bag of Fritos can be the perfect opportunity for widening your social circles.

I like that when God became a man, and put on our skin and walked in our dirt, He also ate food, a lot. He kept the casks of wine full. He turned a couple of Filet-O-Fish sandwhiches into a miracle feast, he grilled on the beach, he ate his friends' food, and He sat around the table with people that he loved.

When I start contemplating my love for food, I don't think of plates without faces. Let it be known that you're all being fooled when I eat with you. If I look happy when I'm eating, it might be because of you.