Where My Eyes Look After They've Seen Enough -or- A Conspiracy of Hope

I used to be offended by the statement, "belief in God is a crutch." I used to think this was a horribly insulting thing said by horrifyingly bold people. The idea of my faith as a crutch was hateful to me until I realized that my legs were badly broken.

Q: When, exactly, did humanity start standing up on its own legs to begin with?
A: Just as soon as we can remove our rear parts from the mud!

I'm not sure, but by the smell of things this may not just be mud we're lounging in...

I used to operate on the assumption that one could have what it takes to stand on their own if they had it together. I used to think that things could be managed, calculated, and controled. This didn't last long.

The past five months have been an unwanted crash-course in the crap that this life serves up as well as the good. I don't think I need to convince anyone but here is a short list of things that prove that this world and the inhabitants of it are pretty badly messed up and broken: death, hate, heartbreak, lonliness, genocide, pain, and our general ability to hurt each other in a slew of creative ways both physically and emotionally. (And maybe even in other ways that we haven't come up with yet!)

In the illumination of these things, I can fully admit that I need a crutch. Stand under the weight of these things and tell me how long it is before it hurts. Tell me how long it is before you have to admit that you cannot stand.

So I'll take a crutch. The difference is when faith becomes more than something to lean on, but something to live for. When the crutch becomes your reason for hope.

I cannot put into words the litany of feelings that hang and drip from that one word for me; hope. I think I adhere to a conspiracy of hope. If I can inject the world with one thing, it would be hope. More hope for everyone. Everyday I walk into a classroom and see a room full of faces who I strive to communicate one thing to: hope. I wonder if they hear me say it? I wonder if they see it and feel it? I turn everything inside of me out to send that one message of hope, and I see eyes well up with tears or faces too tired for their age turn into smiles.

Every word, every look, every thought and every moment turned inside out for us to give just one thing to the lives, breaths, and moments around us: Hope.

"Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give thine angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for thy love's sake. Amen."