New words for an old blog –or- Bringing something back to life is a difficult task that one would be better off leaving alone

Defibrillators are violent machines. They are meant to surprise a human body into being alive again, like a scare cures hiccups or like how being thrown in the deep end of the swimming pool is supposedly better than swimming lessons.
This blog is dead. It is, as they say, “kaput.” The last time I wrote words on this blog I was a student, and these words you are reading now find me in very dire straights as a teacher of students. The turn around from “learner” to “learned” is laughably and awkwardly quick. So quick, in fact, that you should rightly read this as me explaining that I am still very much the person that I was when I wrote last, just with a steady paycheck and health insurance. Which are both sweet.
There are old friends and new friends whose conversation (both spoken and unspoken) I prey on. I eat up text messages and facebook exchanges in a mess of facial hair and juices, looking up from conversations with these people with the protective, slightly insane glare of the lion. I am natural geographic depictions of feeding predators, with a mouthful of printer ink, computer plastic, and bits of paper hanging from my mouth. I feed off of these conversations.
I haven’t eaten in a long time. I am emaciated. And that is clearly a metaphor.
So I’m going to kick up the soil a bit on this blog again, and see if I can’t grow some food for thought. Let’s talk again like we used to.
I’m going to rub the paddles together, ask everyone to clear away, and shock the hell out of this thing to see if it can breathe again. Don’t worry, I’ve seen it done in the movies and on daytime television. I’m an expert, and what I don’t know, Wikipedia can surely teach me.
If what I write seems to reek of crap to you, you are probably right. But just remember, Jesus Christ raised a human being from death, and one imagines that Lazarus was a bit ripe despite the creator of the universe’s best efforts. If Jesus could not fix the stench, you can most assuredly expect my resurrected writing to burn the sensitive nerves of your sinuses.
Read gently… this blog is surprised to be breathing again.