On the Completion of the Final Assignment -or- A Spontaneous Ode to College

I just completed my last undergrad assignment of all time-- a final notebook for the ages. A spontaneous ode to the moment, and to college: (WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL MAY INCLUDE LANGUAGE NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THE FLEXIBILITY OF THE AMERICAN, BLUE COLLAR VOCABULARY. SORRY)

College, from the start, you almost broke my toe.
I dropped that heavy book shelf and blood began to flow.
I limped the first two weeks at Baylor,
I walked around cursing like a sailor.

College, for one year, you made me stay in a dorm,
where I had to listen to the neighbor's 5,000 decibles of porn.
The second floor of Penland is no way to treat a human being,
mostly because of the ridiculous amounts of misplaced peeing.

College, you gave me lots of work and papers,
while I drank Waco water that was full of toxic vapors.
I wrote epic essays that always hit; never missed.
Unfrotunately, they were largely full of shit.

College, you even let me date some fine-lookin' ladies,
despite the fact that I am fat and lazy.
I had some fun and played the game,
but mostly spent my time blogging, being lame.

College, you did so much for me it makes me cry,
and then I remember your reason, and your why:
I went in debt and gave you big-ass money!
And that's why I'm suddenly pissed off right now, not thinking this is quite so funny.