Using Everything to Figure Out Nothing -or- "We Do! We Do! We Do!"

I try to make sense of it all using the evidence I have-- the dreams, the experiences, this thing that happened over here, and that thing that happened over there, and so on and so forth. My conclusion is that either I am incredibly inept at solving puzzles and conundrums, or things are so massively complicated and confused that "it" is not to be made much sense of at all. The this and that are so confusing that it is pretty well established that they don't help make any particular meaning, so I look to the mystery of dreams and try to find "it"...

I've had nightmares before. Simple nightmares that have to do with too much dinner too late at night and the TV shows that rattle in the minds of two-year-olds. The first nightmare I remember having is still vivid. A blue background with a yellow circle in the middle. There are train tracks coming out of the circle and a train bearing down on me. Cookie Monster is driving it and yelling and eating cookies as he always does, despite my cries for help. I awake.

Then there are the more complicated ones, walls of sand in our living room, if touched or disturbed, even a grain, would cause snakes to appear. I am surrounded by the sand walls and no one in my family can move to get me out-- not mom, not dad, not anne-- because moving would just spill sand and make more snakes. I awake caked in little kid sweat and tears.

And there are the reaccuring nightmares. The ones about real life that I've seen and that happen again in the theater in my mind. Surround sound. 3-D. It looks so real, just like it did. I do the same things. Over and over again I do the same things I did and the same things that happened happen again. I can't make them stop. I can't make those things unhappen, even in my dreams.

...and then I have "good dreams" too. Which are sometimes sad also because they aren't real. I dream about wonderful things happening, happy things, corny things, funny things all happening and I wake up only to decipher them using logic and find out that no, they aren't real and didn't happen-- and I am in bed, and it's too late or too early to be thinking of such good things happening when there is work to be done so soon. Such un-dreamlike business to attend to.

I stand above things and try to make them mean something. Mean something more than this! Be more than a pile of dirt and sticks between trees! Please! Because if dirt and sticks is all there is then this "life is no way to treat an animal" and Kurt was right.

Chemical and biological reactions occur-- coming from someplace-- and water wells inbetween eyelids and overflows without any accompanying sounds, not even breath.

Be more. Be more. Be more.

Don't stay small and silent. Don't stay down there in piles of dirt, sticks, and leaves. If the dirt wins, if that's the way it happens, then the nightmares are telling the truth about no control and sad things. In the meantime I will continue my mantra with a furrowed brow: "mean something... mean something... mean something..." and try to listen to the atoms and rocks and leaves crying back... trying to hear them say: "we do! we do! we do!" I will say that the black space between the burning stars means something is deeper. I hope the "it" of life means someting infinitely more complicated than I could imagine.

Be bigger. Be louder. Be everywhere.

Ten Meals Not to Miss -or- "Be Real, Son!"

I concede my fat-kiddedness once again and dive right into what's on my mind. I'm not taking any shortcuts, cleaning up any thoughts, or putting on a show of deep-thoughtitude for you. This is raw. This is the rough cut. This is hot off of the presses (where my thoughts and brain act in the context of a metaphor to the printing industry).

Black Bush: Can I be real?
Black Cabinet Member: Be real, son!
Black Bush: He tried to kill my faaaatha'!

I'm being real. And I'm keeping it real. My deep thoughts at this late hour where I can't sleep slipped into the culinary world, quickly, and quietly. It has prompted me to get a snack, and there is apple sauce nearby (give me leave). I am satisfied. Let the late-night, culinary post begins:

Ten Meals You Should Eat and/or Experience (in no particular order)

1) The "Hot" Buffalo Wings from George's Restaraunt with a side bowl of ranch dressing.
-simply the best wings on the planet. they are what brought me to Baylor University when I am honest. Add ranch dressing for dipping, the Singleton culinary staple also known as "fat kid soup."

2) The Jack Daniels Burger, no onions, add avacado, from TGI Friday's
-this is not the first time this has been mentioned... it won't be the last. The sauce is succulent.

3) The Fajitas & Flauta plate from Ninfa's, add extra guacamole, and with plenty of chips and green sauce to start out
-If you have $8.99 to spend on dinner, this is the plate. Don't get so caught up in the flauta that you neglect the refried beans. They are good. If you do not like refried beans, please offer them to me if we sup together. I will smile.

4) The Sausage Calzone from Baris
-stuffed with cheeses, great with maranara or ranch dressing. Baris is the real deal. Some of us have a section there. That is commendable.

5) SAN ANTONIO PICK: The Guacamole chalupas from Mexican Manhattan
-beans, guacamole, and the best cheese in the world. It's just plain, grated cheese... but for some reason, Mexican Manhattan has the best cheese I have ever tasted. I tell people this and they gawk in disbelief... until they taste the cheese!

6) SAN ANTONIO PICK: The 2 Meat, 3 Sides plate from Mr. and Mrs. G's
-get the Fried Chicken, Smothered Steak, sweet potato , collard greens, and macaroni and cheese, add fruit punch. The best soul food in the world. It's too good. Be sure not to have anything scheduled the rest of the day as lethargy will ensue.

7) The Breakfast Taco Combo from Taco Cabana
-Two Potato and Egg, add one bean & cheese, add one bacon & egg. Add ample amounts of the dark, roasted salsa. This is good late at night. This is good early in the morning. Be warned, however; these tacos will produce gas.

8) HEALTH PICK: Soup and Salad from Jason's Deli
-Get the Tomato Basil Soup and a hearty salad. Close things out with a cone of soft serve. Possibly the best perk to this meal is that there is a fast track line at the deli for those ordering soup and salad... you don't have to wait behind the sluggish, indecisive commoners.

9) ASIAN CUISINE PICK: Orange Chicken from Panda Express... it may sound lame, but it's the best there is. I recommend getting a double serving on steamed rice. Add crab rangoons if you're feeling adventurous.

10) Singleton "Shiner Bach" Chili
-It may sound self-worshiping, but I just dig my chili. The meat is sweet and the spice will bring sweat to your brow. On top of Fritos, add cheese and sliced avacado. Harris Bechtol and others would claim to stop at one and a half bowls, because two bowls will ruin your evening. (Yet, somehow, they always eat two bowls).

WARNING: THIS LIST IS NOT COMPREHENSIVE! These are SOME great meals that you SHOULD try. These are not necessarily the "ten best" or the addendum to Commandments A... they are just a list of some meals that you should eat if you want to know what life is all about and explore a closer relationship with God. Seriously.